In the spirit of a pissy writer, I've concocted a list of the top ten vampire factors.
|Sparkling...making vampires easy to spot since 2006.|
2-- Has long fangs with which he/she drinks large amounts of blood. Sometimes smaller amounts. Depends on his or her diet, really. Oh, and the beauty part of this is that they LIKE IT. This is not negotiable in my opinion. No fangs, not a vampire. I think it's perfectly okay for a writer to deviate a little bit with vampire diet, however. Hey, if Dracula wants a Big Mac, I'm certainly not going to tell him no...are you?
3-- Sunlight will fry his/her ass. The only exception (again, my opinion only) is if it's an incredibly powerful vampire or a really freaking old one. Case in point, Sita from Christopher Pike's THIRST books. She's 5,000 years old. As far as I'm concerned, that entitles her to do whatever the hell she wants, in daylight or otherwise lol.
|He might have genuine feelings for her. Then again, he might just want to suck her blood...who knows.|
5-- Vampires are not all millionaires. How could they be? I mean, their grocery bill is probably not that high and they probably don't have that high of an electric bill, but they still have to pay their way through life. They have to keep a roof over their heads. They have to possibly pay car insurance, cell phone bills, etc... The oldest vampires have probably come up with some sort of system to make money and survive with luxury at their right hand, but for those just a few hundred years old, it's unlikely that they all live in secluded mansions.
7-- They're usually old as hell. This gives me the thought that vampires are probably pretty damned intelligent because they've had plenty of time to learn things. I can imagine that newborn vampires are probably a real pain in the ass, though...
8-- If one approaches you at a club, sex is only the second thing on their minds. Don't flatter yourself. This ties right in with number six, but I thought that it was worth mentioning and needed its own place on this list.
9-- If a vampire says they're not going to hurt you, they probably are only biding their time and figuring out, in their twisted minds, exactly how they're going to hurt you. Sorry. Monsters lie sometimes and vampires are monsters. Not your bestie. Unless you're in a relationship with one...and in that case, see rule number 4 and proceed with caution.
10-- If a vampire wants to have a one night stand with someone, odds are that the someone in question may as well sign their own death certificate. Again, see rule number 4 because there are very few exceptions.
Thank you for listening to me rant about vampires. If I've forgotten something, please add it to the list through comments below! :)