Sunday, September 18, 2011

My Thoughts On Vampires

All this chatter about vampires lately has got me thinking about why it is that I truly love vampires. Of course, there are several reasons.

I began my love affair with the fanged undead when I was only nine years old. That was when I watched Interview With A Vampire for the first time. After that, I read the book. Then, I read the rest of the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. After that, I read anything I could get my hands on that had a vampire or a promise of bloodshed somewhere in it.

I'm going to break down my thoughts on vampires for you. You are free to agree or disagree because everyone, as it seems, has a different opinion about what a vampire is.

Vampires are the undead. This means that they're animated creatures who used to have heart beats and carry on their bodily functions like normal until another undead turned them (or whatever).

Common methods for becoming a vampire were that another vampire has to bite you or that there has to be a blood transfer. This is the usual means for becoming in literature and films and I really don't like for people to stray too far from this. Once you are a vampire, you need blood to survive. This is where another bit of confusion for vampire fans comes into play.

Do they feel driven to blood like zombies are to brains or is it more like you just want it (like right now I just really want strawberries and chocolate)?

Some argue that vampires are ruthless killers ALL the time. This is a very valid argument. Vampires need blood from mortals just like mortals (us) want meat from animals so that we can make burgers and steaks (right?). But, when we go slaughter a cow for our steaks, we don't just cut the steak part out and leave the rest of the cow and hope to goodness it survives. Nope. That entire cow is going to die in the slaughterhouse.

On the flip side of this argument, vampires used to be mortals unlike how mortals were NOT once cows. As they have a brain that functions (it HAS to, otherwise they wouldn't be able to move or do things), you would think the part of their brain that controls sympathy, empathy, and other feelings would kick into play somewhere and SOME vampires might just be able to leave their victims alive and maybe even gain one or two mortal friends (that being said, I don't think that the job of being a vampire's friend is hazard free by any means). If this is true or possible, would it also be true or possible that  a vampire could carry on a romantic or sexual relationship with a mortal? Possibly. But, the risks to her life would be severe and she would have to be one bat shit crazy girl...with a death wish.

So, now you understand that there is the question of whether or not a vampire could actually restrain himself from slaughtering people and control his urges. There are good arguments on both sides, I think. I suppose it depends on how the writer wants to portray his/her vampires and who the audience is. It's all open to interpretation.

Just, um, please don't make them sparkle. That's just insane!

There are also many ways to kill vampires and each way has been disputed. Here's a quick list:

*Wooden stakes, wooden bullets--apparently vampires do not like wood.

*Silver bullets -- This mostly applies to werewolves, but I've also read about silver bullets possibly killing or at least injuring vampires. Personally, I think that the vampire would probably just pull the bullet out and make a necklace out of it in the hopes of seducing (or playing with lol) some chick he thinks is a challenge. It'd go something like this:

          Vamp: I made this just for you, my love. It was from the war of (enter name of a war that happened    hundreds of years ago). *Raises vampy eyebrow, trying to be all macho*
          Chick: *swoons*
           Vamp: *taps that ass, then drains it*

*Silver crosses-- This one seems silly to me and was probably created somewhere in the middle ages when folks swore that corpses were walking at night.

*Sunlight-- I do like this one. I don't like the idea of a vampire being a day walker unless there's a really neat story behind why he can do so.

There are probably a million other ways to kill a vamp, but for the life of me I can't think straight and every single writer out there has made different ones up over the years. I like vampire stories to be original, yes, but I also like for writers to keep to the basics for vampire killing. It's much more fun that way.


Everybody loves vampires for different reasons. I love them because they are the ultimate bad boys. While they may be just slightly dead and may choose to kill me, it'd be kinda neat to bring one home to mom and dad, don'tcha think? 

Oh, sister brought home a doctor? Well, guess what? My boyfriend, Henry here, is a vampire, Ma! Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, sis!
You call that a hicky? Check this out, sis!

Then there's this. Can a vampire even have sex at all? I'm going to say YES. An erection occurs by means of excitement and BLOOD FLOW, right? Well, vampires drink blood, therefore blood still FLOWS in their veins. By that logic, a vampire can still have an erection and assuming that his hips move, I think that means that sex is possible with the undead. But, can he have his happy ending? Again, another tricky question. I'm sure that sex feels good to them, seeing as they tend to like the feel of another person's blood in their mouths (that's actually an assumption, but a safe one nonetheless).

Twisted romantic reasons aside, other people like vampires for the horror aspect and I like them for this reason, too! Imagine someone who's seen all those neat things in their six hundred or so years of life! Oh, and they just want to kill you and drink your life force from you. Worthy cause for death, don't you think so? Of course you do...cause you're hoping that they'll make you one of them so that you can see some of the things that they have and it would be neat to slash a few throats and get by with it, right?

For the record, though, I'd like everyone to know really quickly that I was a vampire fan (a rather obsessive one) way before Twilight. I was a fan before it was cool to be a fan. Sure, I became obsessive after Interview With a Vampire, but my curiosity had begun before then.

...and there is your obsessive proof. That's me! lol.

If anyone else would like to share their thoughts on the subject, by all means, please do. Just remember that I don't take my vampires lightly and if you intend to argue with me about them, I welcome it, but you won't get  a rise out of me. Everyone has an opinion about vampires and all opinions are respected in MY blog.


  1. I was a vampire fan from the time I was a little girl - Dark Shadows fascinated me, although Barnabas Collins was no hottie. (Yes, I know, I'm OLD). I have read SO much vampire fiction over the years and feel confident in saying that vamps in sunlight will burn and if they don't take cover, turn into a flaming fire ball. Also, the newest vamp fiction writers seem to create dark, brooding, uber-sexy vamps that are burned by silver, therefore they must cover their hands if touching a silver object...Silver shackles make them weak as kittens. Crucifixes don't work on the "New Age" vamp, nor does garlic, for that matter. Oh, and one sure-fire way to terminate a vamp's existence: decapitation. :)

  2. Oooh, it seems I've forgotten decapitation! lol.....I watched some of the original Dark Shadows on Netflixed and LOVED what I saw. I can't wait to see the movie!

  3. You forgot beheading.

    Now here's a question for you: can vampires be infected by a zombie virus? On the one hand, since vampires are already dead and zombie viruses typically transform a person into a zombie after they die, it could be argued that vampires would immediately become zombies upon infection. On the other hand, since the transformation occurs by in some sense resurrecting the dead person and the vampire is already (in some sense) resurrected, maybe vampires would be immune. (And in this latter case would an exposed vampire become an asymptomatic carrier?)

  4. It could also be that in the case that a zombie infects a vampire, the vampire would then be even more blood crazy than he/she already was or that the infection that the zombie gave the vampire would kill them off completely or not infect them at all. Since I'm assuming it's blood borne, it may not do a single thing at all.

    INTERESTINGLY, I have toyed with the thought that if a zombie ever infected a vampire through a bite (or whatever), it could give the vampire a sickness that is similar to the black plague, making them so sick that they can't even walk, etc....and incurable. It could be their complete undoing and then again, they just might survive.

    Open to interpretation, I suppose.